It was the still-dark part of the Sunday morning when local police stormed the sprawling country estate like a Chechnya firing squad crazy-drunk on a bloody cocktail of guns and rape and keen to make a showman’s entrance.
The moon refused to set, and the first glistening droplets of morning dew, reflecting back the stars, had barely begun to settle.
The grass whispered. And the wind replied.
Then all hell broke loose.
And as rapid-fire snub-nosed uzi’s were being unloaded in seemingly random directions, and the flash of stun grenades filled the sky like an uncomfortably bright holy light, this sleepy little town could finally leave the painful memories of little Bobby Mann firmly behind.
Mann, the son of a local Butcher, had been attacked and killed by a group of eight ring-necked pheasants, driven berserk by the close proximity of a 150ft radiation-emitting phone mast, whilst passing woodland on his walk home from school less than 3 days ago.
So vicious was the attack, that it took nearly three hours for neighbours to fight the last of the birds away from the twelve year olds by-then unrecognizable remains.
It’s said that the alarm was raised by local camera-enthusiast Dwight Ramsay, who claims to have stumbled upon the feeding frenzy at around 3.40pm last Friday.
And as the dust now settles on the necessary repercussions, and the bullet riddled corpses of fowl stock litter the fields and the alleyways like gruesome KFC flashbacks, the silence of despair hangs heavy over this small Scottish town.
A twelve foot squared digitized version of the photograph, as taken by Ramsay towards the end of the ordeal, depicting the attackers forgoing the face in favour of the meatier internal organs, will appear at Glasgow’s Kelvingrove Art Gallery, in Surround Sound and High Definition 3D, from Wednesday onwards.
Tickets are now on sale.
